When I first started attending Hiram College in 2009 I did not know what to expect or what to do. One of the weird things I decided upon starting was I would keep every single book I had to buy for class: textbook, novel and whatever else slipped into my small amount of money I had. I figured someday I would perhaps need one of them for something. A quick reminder, a random quote, for my future career or maybe I would just be genuinely interested in reading for my own benefit. Well the last two things I just mentioned happened to fall under this. I remember reading a book my senior year in one of my classes under my adviser and one of the most influential people I learned under, Ms. Audrey Cunningham.
The book is called “Quiet” by Susan Cain and it takes a deep dive into the understanding of Introverts and their impact they truly have. I could write all day about all the interesting relations I have to as what she talks about. It makes me realize how I feel in situations from being out in large groups of people, speaking in front of groups, confidence, how I can be so personable and shy at the same time, the way I work the best and so much more. I will probably write more on this book going forward because it had such an impact and I still talk about it almost 8 years later.
As I am reading the latest chapter something jumps out at me. Cain refers to what she calls “sweet spots”, which is the place where you are optimally stimulated as related to your personality. For introverts and extroverts these places differ and for each individual as well. Most of the time people find themselves in their sweet spots without even being conscious of it. Cain provides an example for an introvert where you are out in a hammock reading for a half hour and then notice you keep reading the same sentence repeatedly. This shows you are under stimulated, so you call a friend and go out to brunch and you're fine again. This is a good amount of stimulation for your senses. Then your friend wants to go a block party with people you don’t know, trying to make small talk with random people among the loud music and now you are overstimulated. So you either find a quiet place at the party to have a deep conversation with one person or you decide to leave, maybe finding yourself back in the hammock reading again. The perfect amount of stimulation and back in the sweet spot.
Why am I talking about this? I feel this applies to many people, and especially those who know or believe they are introverts and or ambiverts (this is something too, and I’ll talk about this more at some point). I have constantly found myself juggling my own sweet spots throughout my life from the time I was a young kid to now. Ask most people I grew up with, and they would tell you I could talk to a brick wall if it would listen or when I go out somewhere I can talk to random people. What they don’t realize is I’m trying to have deeper conversations and most people just like to create small talk and move on. I am not very good at small talk. When I walk past someone and ask how they are doing, I have genuine interests to really know how they are doing and want to talk with them. I feel rejected when people say “fine” and keep walking like I never asked. Ask someone else how much fun I used to have going to school events like dances and they would say I was fun, crazy and danced all the time. However, most never realized before the dances I would sit up in my room talking myself out of it, too scared to go because it was too loud, or I didn’t want to be around that many people. I got claustrophobic at times. I would sneak over to the seats and hope no one would see me and drag me back out there when I wanted to just rest my mind from all the noise.
The more I think about it the more I understand what she was saying with sweet spots, which to put simply is where you feel best at any point throughout the day. There are days where I can just sit alone, inside playing games, reading and just watching TV and feel perfectly stimulated by my environment. There are some days where I can go out, maybe among a small group of people and feel good. Going bowling, playing basketball or a baseball game is a good amount of people where I can be comfortable enough. I’ve went to concerts but I’ve never felt good enough to be in a tight group so I will never be close to the stage. When I went to a concert I was so excited for and was perfectly content being in the very back where it wasn’t super loud and I could move freely. Cain says once you realize you have control over the “sweet spot” game, you can start to make decisions on your social life, your work and hobbies to spend as much time in it as possible. I realize, especially as I started college, I started to construct my time as so. I preferred staying in with my roommate to going out to social gatherings. When I worked at the hospital, I usually came home and just stayed in unless I had a game because I was overstimulated by the amount of people I saw at the front desk and home felt like the perfect place to recover.
This leads me to the most important aspect of my sweet spot, which is where I am now in life as a school counselor. Being a school counselor allows me to help others understand their strengths in many ways, from your personality to your success and how the two actually work together. Finding your sweet spots will help you find success in and out of the classroom, have healthy friendships which fit you and understand what you might like to do. Just because you play sports doesn’t mean you have to be the most outgoing. I had friends on the team when I played who were extremely extroverted and it worked when we were together. We brought out the best in each other. There are times when you will not want to go out, and it’s okay. You are allowed to feel comfortable in your own skin, not what others want you to be. Your sweet spot will be different from a lot of people. Discover what works best for you!
